Especially, when it feels like you are almost biologically programmed against it.

The most pressing issue I have to deal with on a daily basis is the fact that I cannot wake up. I simply cannot make myself get out of bed at the time I need to. Or, about an hour after I had to. When I see these people luxuriate their mornings, I cannot help but flip out that I don't even have a set wake up time! Propelling myself out of the door while zipping my pants up is life that I know right now. Doing a sheet mask while sipping on fancy tea and contemplating my day is so nebulous that it seems entirely unattainable. Need I articulate how ashamed (and frustrated) I am of this situation?

In the last two years, I have gotten exceptionally bad at starting my day properly; partly due to depression that was undiagnosed for a while and partly because I can work from outer space and get my job done, so who cares about a desk! {smug bitch (me)}. On a tangent note, lack of sleep or too much sleep, over a prolonged period is an alarm for mental fatigue and its not to be ignored. I am still battling clinical depression and anxiety (sadly, yes, it takes this long), but I cannot help but beat myself over the fact that I have a 100% late attendance record at work last month. That's just unacceptable and unprofessional and just all round bad. Bad. I do work in an informal industry and my workplace is nothing short of the best place ever, but an honest human being knows when they are pushing it.

Thanks to the v/blogosphere, wisdom on how to become a morning person is in abundance. 

But.

If only it was that simple. If only. I tried many a tips that seem to be popular with everyone and to the following effect

TIP #1 
Open curtains. and the sunshine flood in. Let the almighty sun let you know that its wake up time! 

Me: Put pillow on face/ roll over

TIP #2A
Get a loud/ shocking/ blaring alarm

Me: Best tip to get a blaring migraine that lasts all.bloody. day

TIP #2B
Keep alarm away from your bed 

Me: Go back to bed with a freaking vengeance. Like, HOW DARE YOU! YOU...YOU STUPID ALARM-BITCH!  You think you got me! I swear with my hand on my heart that's exactly how it went down. EVERY TIME. Btw, did I mention I am 28 years old? For visual reference, enjoy this.

TIP #3 
Coffee!!! 

Checkout these coffee guys though. Super good!

Me: Buy fancy beans; then remember I am (medically) not allowed to have coffee first thing in the morning.

TIP #4 
Eat a good breakfast

Me: Unless said breakfast is making itself and then magically transporting into my mouth while willing my nervous system to signal my brain to start chewing, this ain't gonna fly

I think the most sure-shot method, thus far, is switching off the fan (done to 6 years old me during summer vacation). Slow clap, dad. Slow clap. 

So here I am. In a bid to attract positive energy from the Universe  webverse, I am putting this out here: I am going on a serious mission to address this morning issue. And that starts with setting a proper wake up time. 

Of the 1000 articles / videos I have seen on this, the one point that stuck with me was to ease the body in to doing something that it clearly doesn't want to do. That I believe. To this, I am adding another wisdom: the body takes 45 days to get used to something. Hmm.
So, what's the plan homey...what's the foolproof plan?

The genius plan, bloglanders, is that I am going to cut back my wake up time by 15 mins starting tomorrow in order to ease my body into a routine. This is a whole new level of taking it slow. If I cut back 15 minutes per week, I am looking at a 8 weeks ease-in program to waking up at my desired time. 
WOW! That's either enough time to cajole my body nee brain, or too much time to fall out, rather or fall back. ANYWAY! 8.45...how hard can it really be?

Such are the chronicles of an almost functioning adult. Sigh.